Things Will Have to Change If You Want to Get Your Ex Back and Keep Her or Him This Time

Things Will Have to Change If You Want to Get Your Ex Back and Keep Her or Him This Time

No matter how much you have been made to feel that this is all your fault, it takes two to tango, or ‘un-tango,’ in this case. Conversely, no matter how much you might think it is the other person’s fault, I assure you that there is plenty of blame to go around.

Right now, all you may be able to think about is getting back together. However, unless you want to just end up going through this again, and again perhaps, which could likely result in liver failure, it is absolutely vital that you spend some serious time thinking about what was not working in your relationship.

This means considering both what you need to change and what he or she needs to change. There is a very old book written over thousands of years by 40 different people, that contains some wisdom on this matter. For a relationship between a man and a woman to be successful and fulfilling at the highest level, each individual must love the other as they do their own body, and must put the others’ interests above their own.

Selfishness does not work in what is supposed to be a committed relationship. Think about it. If you are trying to please the other person, and the other person is trying to please you, than everybody ends up getting pleased! Sounds simple right?

Unfortunately, like most things, it is significantly easier said than done. Humans are innately selfish creatures. We have a difficult time with the idea of sacrifice. But the reality is, that without sacrifice, you cannot successfully accomplish anything good in life. A life without giving and pleasing others is a life homeless and living on the street completely alone. Anything worthwhile is going to require you to be willing to give. Thus the famous saying “There is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving.” You could spend years contemplating the infinite wisdom behind that simple sentence.

One of the most difficult things a human can do is look at themselves and be honest with themselves. Why is that? You do realize that how you see yourself is very different from how everyone else sees you, do you not? Perhaps you don’t. For many, this is quite a revelation. If I went out and had 10 people who know you pretty well tell me what their impression of you as a person was, I guarantee that you would be pretty surprised by the results, perhaps even shocked and embarrassed.

If they knew the person that you really were on the inside, unless you are an extraordinarily honest person, there would most likely be surprises all around. Why is this? Because almost everybody alive has the person that they really are, and another person that they aspire to be or wish to be thought of as, by the rest of the world, and that is the person that we try to project.

The disconnect occurs because people think of themselves as the person they are trying to project, and not as the person that they really are. Further disconnect occurs because we are rarely successful, not for long anyway, in projecting the person we wish to be thought of as. So we essentially have three personas: 1 – The person we view ourselves as and try to show the world; 2 – The person people actually think we are; and 3 – The person we really are. Gets confusing huh?

Looking within yourself honestly, and acknowledging your own weaknesses and mistakes can be a very difficult thing to do. That is the understatement of the year for most people. In fact, the vast majority will be very old if and when they are ever able to successfully do this. The sooner you can find the ability to set aside your ego and face who you really are, the sooner you will start seeing success bloom in all other areas of your life.

In regards to getting back with your ex and actually making it work this time, this is an essential element. You both did things wrong, perhaps one of you more than the other, but it was still both of you. So first you must identify what you did wrong, areas in which you were perhaps selfish or where you may have been at fault for communication breaking down. We will get more into these areas later.

At any rate, be honest and take specific actions to change yourself in these areas. The next thing is to maneuver events to hopefully have some kind of conversation with your ex. If you are going to get back together, it is going to start with talking. When this conversation occurs, an honest conversation about what each of you are going to do different must take place. This means he or she will have to be honest with themselves as well.

If you can both find a way to move ahead thinking of the benefit of the other person and not the benefit of yourself, chances are you will be together for a long time if not forever.

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